When I stepped off the pedestal

Let me tell you a story.

For years, I lived on a pedestal I didn’t even remember climbing onto. I told myself it was “for God,” but deep down… it was fear. Fear of disappointing Him. Fear of disappointing people. Fear of letting my flaws be seen because I thought my imperfections would make God look bad.

So I walked that tightrope—
✨ trying to be perfect
✨ trying to be the “example”
✨ trying to prove I was good enough to represent Him

And in the name of “honoring God,” I stopped actually looking at God.
I made it my job to protect His reputation instead of letting Him be the God who rescues, restores, and redeems.

But one day I broke under the weight of trying to hold up something God never asked me to carry.

And when I stepped down, I found… me.
A woman who was hurting.
A woman who was tired.
A woman who just wanted to be seen, known, and loved—even in the messy parts.

And that’s when I finally encountered the GRACE of God.

I was reading about Hagar. The servant who gave birth to Abraham’s first son, Ishmael. Sarah had finally received her blessing with her womb opening and delivering the promised child, Isaac. But then, Sarah started treating Hagar poorly (although to be fair Hagar did have some attitude issues).

Hagar was sent away with Ishmael and when they were at their absolute end… hungry, tired, and THIRSTY, they settled in a spot to die.

In that place of hopelessness Hagar heard the voice of God. He opened her eyes to see a source of water and she received a promise for her son as well. In that place she declared a name for God, “El Roi”, the God who sees me. He met her in that place of desolation and brokenness. And in my own way, God met me in a broken place.

I thought my display of righteousness, My walking perfectly… never straying into “sin”, never speaking my worries and fears out loud was the way to help others see Christ in me.
The perfection I thought was “holy” was actually a stumbling block for the very people I wanted to help. My “strength” made them feel like failures. My curated righteousness made their humanity feel like sin.

Sis… sometimes your real is what leads people to Jesus.

So now, the best way I can point anyone to Jesus is simple:

See me as I am.
Broken but healing.
Flawed but growing.
Unsure but trusting.
Weak but held.

If you want to see the goodness of God, look at the places He’s still working.
Look at my process.
Look at my pursuit.
Look at the grace that meets me in every step.

Because perfection never saved anybody.
But Jesus working through a willing, imperfect woman?
Yeah… that’s where revival starts. 🔥🙌